«I knew I would be hard. I knew. I knew. I knew. But I didn’t know it would be like this. There are no words to describe how bad I’m coping. This is all so much more impossible than I expected. What is wrong with me, with us? (…)
“I wanted to be a different sort of person, “ I say. “It was so important to me to be a good mother. I’ve only had these babies for a week, and I feel like they have sucked my soul. I’m already a terrible mother. How can I have let the rot set in so quickly? Shouldn’t there have been a honeymoon period?”
Mum disagrees with me, gently, and tells me that I’m not a terrible mother. I appreciate the effort, but I know she’s lying; that’s what a good mother would do in this situation.
“I am,” I say. “I know it. I’ve got these two tiny babies, and they are so vulnerable, but they are so needy and I just can’t handle it. I resent them already. I know they need all of me but I don’t want to give it to them. They cry, and when I hear it my heart sinks. I don’t want to feed them again.”
“No,” she says “that doesn’t make you a bad mother. That makes you a normal mother. What makes you a good mother is that you don’t want to do it but you do it anyway.”»
p.141/142
Claudia Chapman in Hypothetical Future Baby - An Unsentimental Adoption Memoir
autora do blog my fascinating life
* * *
2ª-feira - A ideia de um filho
3ª-feira - Fazer *algo*
4ª-feira - Cansaço, a miscelânea de emoções
5ª-feira -Toda as adopções começam com uma história de perda
Cipreste
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